Typical Shoppers We Always Meet at The Boxing Day Sales

I had always secretly thought I was the biggest shopper in the family. But I think I was wrong.

My mom.

Remember back then when my (almarhum) dad gave her a chance to go all out because she hardly asks for anything. You should’ve seen her circling the handbags for ages, guilt surrounding her, but her desire was stronger. You could see she really wanted them, but she didn’t want to ask my dad for things. It was so cute.

After a while, I got bored of her “I want it but I pity dad, he has to spend so much” moans, so I went up to my dad and said, “Dad, Mom wants that handbag but she’s too scared to ask you.” He just looked at the bags, nodded approval and gave me his credit card.

See, simple! If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

And I guess it helps if you’re a generally good person who never demands much. Unfortunately, that seems alien to me.

Anyway, my mom did this everytime she saw a handbag she liked. Powerful skills. Smart woman, that one. Pretend only don’t want, then suddenly, without anybody realizing, you’ll end up with five new handbags. Then when one of your daughters points it out, just bulge your eyes out and say “Oh my goodness, did I?!

I had been so tired following my mom and sister around shopping. After a while, I just sat on the floor and said, “I’ll just sit here and let the blisters on my feet heal and the blood on my feet dry up.” Of course, they were gone even before I could finish my sentence.

I bought stuff but mostly for the people at home.

And In the UK, the Boxing Day sales are a shoppers’ rite of passage, a day to big discounts, make enemies and come away never wanting to go near a shop again. Thought Black Friday was a big deal? Think again, and try going to Westfield on the day after Christmas. I’ve written a handy guide to the 10 types of people willing to go shopping on the first day of sales.

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1. The first through the door. So determined to get the early bargains, they practically set up camp days earlier. Chill out already.

2. The one with the elbows. Sharp as knives and able to worm their way past you to the front of the queue before you even realized they went from door to till in less than 20 seconds.

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3. The one with their eye on the prize. Never distracted, always focused, they know what they want and exactly how to hunt it down. You’ll be left asking whether they have a blueprint to the store or an assistant on the inside. Either way, jealous.

4. The dawdler. Defined by indecision, they pick things up, they put them down, they go back for the first thing they ever looked at. Someone needs to tell them there is no time for browsing today.

5. The one who’s the same size as you. Like a shadow, they’re right up behind you by the clothes rails and they’re hot on your tail in the shoe section. Especially hard to shake off if you have the same taste. Recommendation: distract them with the leftover party season’s sequin dresses.

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6. The one with the list. For months now they’ve been adding, subtracting and calculating exactly what they will buy on this day. Now it’s here they are determined and will succeed. Best advice: get out of their way, sharpish.
7. The tourists. They’ve travelled from far and wide to be here for this moment and be sure, they and their credit card are going to make the most of this.
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8. The one who accidentally buys full-price stock. Pity the fool who comes in on the day of discounts and comes up with the only full-price item in the store. Hate to say it, but babe, you missed the point.
9. The ‘over it’ shop assistant. Everyone, take a second and spare a thought for the shop assistant who has to trek back and forth to the stock room a hundred times an hour, has to clear up all your discarded finds and make them still look sellable, all with a wide, friendly smile on their face.
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10. The professional. Ok, serious question: Is this a scam? Does this person really need to buy the new Gucci Dionysus handbag in every shade and size?
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